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The New Priest

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  • The New Priest

    A new priest
    at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
    After mass he
    asked the monsignor how he had done.

    The monsignor
    replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous

    On the pulpit,
    I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

    If I start to
    get nervous, I take a sip."



    So next Sunday
    he took the monsignor's advice.
    At the
    beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
    He proceeded
    to talk up a storm.



    Upon his
    return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:



    1)
    Sip the vodka,
    don't gulp.

    2) There are 10 commandments, not
    12.

    3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

    4) Jesus was consecrated, not
    constipated.

    5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he
    did not bet his as*.

    6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ
    as the late J.C.

    7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
    are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

    8) David slew Goliath, he did not
    kick the sh*t out of him.

    9) When David was hit by a rock
    and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

    10)We do not
    refer to the cross as the "Big T."

    11)When Jesus
    broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it
    is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

    12)The Virgin
    Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

    13)The
    recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah
    God.

    14)Next Sunday
    there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter-pulling
    contest at St. Taffy's.
    (¯`·._)Ït §M꣣$ £¡kë ®åíñßÕw§ (¯`·._)

  • #2
    goot one..

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