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The New Priest
A new priest
at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he
asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor
replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
On the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday
he took the monsignor's advice.
At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded
to talk up a storm.
Upon his
return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)
Sip the vodka,
don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not
12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not
constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he
did not bet his as*.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ
as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not
kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock
and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10)We do not
refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus
broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it
is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
12)The Virgin
Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The
recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah
God.
14)Next Sunday
there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter-pulling
contest at St. Taffy's.
at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he
asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor
replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
On the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to
get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday
he took the monsignor's advice.
At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded
to talk up a storm.
Upon his
return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)
Sip the vodka,
don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not
12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not
constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he
did not bet his as*.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ
as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not
kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock
and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10)We do not
refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus
broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it
is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
12)The Virgin
Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The
recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah
God.
14)Next Sunday
there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter-pulling
contest at St. Taffy's.
goot one..
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