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Top 15 Signs Santa Claus is Actually a Woman
Top 15 Signs Santa Claus is Actually a Woman
15 Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.
14 Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.
13 Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!
12 Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."
11 Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
10 "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.
9 A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
8 Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
7 Bowl full of jelly? No way. It's water retention.
6 Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
5 Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
4 No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
3 Santa has never, ever been observed peeing off of rooftops.
2 The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.
and the Number 1 Sign Santa Claus is Actually a Woman...
1 With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!
15 Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.
14 Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.
13 Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!
12 Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."
11 Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
10 "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.
9 A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
8 Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
7 Bowl full of jelly? No way. It's water retention.
6 Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
5 Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
4 No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
3 Santa has never, ever been observed peeing off of rooftops.
2 The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.
and the Number 1 Sign Santa Claus is Actually a Woman...
1 With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!
