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Top 15 Signs Santa Claus is Actually a Woman

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  • Top 15 Signs Santa Claus is Actually a Woman

    Top 15 Signs Santa Claus is Actually a Woman

    15 Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.

    14 Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.

    13 Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!

    12 Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."

    11 Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

    10 "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.

    9 A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

    8 Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.

    7 Bowl full of jelly? No way. It's water retention.

    6 Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.

    5 Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!

    4 No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.

    3 Santa has never, ever been observed peeing off of rooftops.

    2 The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.

    and the Number 1 Sign Santa Claus is Actually a Woman...

    1 With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!
    When you turn your back on me, don't expect me to care what you think!!

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