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Alcohol Warning Labels

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  • Alcohol Warning Labels

    Due to increasing products liability
    litigation, American liquor
    manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the Following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your *** kicked.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may give you, and only you, the impression that every little thought that enters your mind is absolutely brilliant and worth sharing and repeating several times throughout the evening.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
    "When the forest weeps, the Anishinabe who listens will look back at the years. In each generation of Ojibway there will be a person who will hear the si-si-gwa-d, who will listen and remember and pass it on to the children."

    "Night Flying Woman"


  • #2
    Where were all these warnings on my birthday? haha :1Party:
    Love is the ultimate magic, the ultimate spell, without reason, often making no sense.

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    • #3
      GREAT STUFF
      ------------------
      " We beseech and demand... that you accept the Church and the Superior Organization of the whole world and recognize the supreme Pontiff, called the Pope, and that in his name you acknowledge the King and Queen... his representatives, as the lords and superior authorities of these islands and main lands...
      If you do not do this, or resort maliciously to delay, we warn you that, with the aid of God, we will enter your land against you with force and will make war in every place and by every means we can and are able, and we will then subject you to the yoke and authority of the church and of their Highnesses.
      We will take you and your wives and children and make them slaves...
      And we will take your property and will do you all the harm and evil we can..."

      --The Requerimiento (read by Spanish Conquistadors to the people of the "New World" )

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