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what is the most humorous native joke you heard?

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  • #31
    Indin Jokes

    An Indin, A Black man, and a Chicano, were all in a bunker in the 'Nam...BIG battle raging...artillery, mortars, machine guns, yelling, and lots of explosions, when all of a sudden, a grenade rolls into the bunker!...the Indin is just about to jump on it to save his buddies,...... when everything stops. The grenade doesn't explode.... They hear "POOF!"...and then they all smell brimstone and see old Scratch himself, holding the grenade.
    "You know who I am and what I can do. I stopped Time long enough to make a deal with you. I'll throw this grenade outside, you'll all live through this war and have long happy lives, but in the end, I'll come to collect your soul. I'll let you think it over."
    So the trio decide that HELL YES they wanna live through this...and tell the Devil they accept the deal.
    "Remember our deal...." says the Devil, throwing the grenade outside and POOF!!! he's gone again....
    The grenade goes off, to the trio, harmlessly outside, and they indeed live through that terrible battle and war.

    MANY years later, finds the Chicano owning a Taco stand, the Black man owning a car wash and the Indin in a HUD home, the Devil sees it is time for his due. He POOFS! right in front of the Black man's car wash, he sees the Devil and walks outside.

    "Remember me?"
    "Yes I do, but you know, I'm not quite ready. Any chance we could postpone this a few more years?"
    "Well, tell you what. You think up a contest or game of chance, and IF you win, you keep your soul outright. If I win, and we go right now. Deal?"
    "Deal." And the Black man furiously racks his brain for a way to beat the Devil.
    "I got it!" he says, remembering how fast he once was... "How about we race to the end of the block?"
    "Sure! I'll even give you a head start!" So off goes the Black man, full speed to the corner, just before he gets there, POOF! the Devil appears at the finish line, grabbing the surprised man, and down they go......

    So the Devil goes next to the Chicano's restaurant, and he sees him through the door, so the Chicano goes outside, saying "I know why you're here, but I'm not ready yet. Any way I could have a few more years?"
    "Well, tell you what. You think up a contest or game of chance, and IF you win, you keep your soul outright. If I win, and we go right now. Deal?"
    "Deal." And the Chicano man furiously racks his brain for a way to beat the Devil.
    "I got it!" he says, realizing his talent."Let's see who can eat the hottest pepper without any water or tortillas!"
    "Sure!" the Devil says, thinking, this guy doesn't know I'm made of pure FIRE?
    So after making the man suffer long and hard, the Devil eats every chile pepper for ten square miles without blinking, and the sweaty, teary-eyed, purple-lipped, Chicano man concedes defeat.....and POOF! they're gone....

    SO! The Devil goes next to the Indin's house out in the country....and he POOF!'s right on the beat up couch on the porch next to the Indin. The Indin looks at him....
    "I know why you're here, but I'm really not ready to leave all this", and gestures around his yard. The Devil looks around and sees a 72 Thunderbird rusting under a tree, so many old washers and dryers and water heaters that his backyard looks like an outdoor laundromat, three dogs are fighting another missing a leg, the weeds are up past your hips, paint peeling, shingles missing, fence falling down, two kids breaking bottles behind the shed.
    The Devil looks at him....
    "...all this WHAT? Well, tell you what. You think up a contest or game of chance, and IF you win, you keep your soul outright. If I win, and we go right now. Deal?"
    "Deal."
    So the Indin walks over to the screen door laying on the porch, picks it up, puts it to his back side...and POOF! Cuts a HUGE fart, hands the screen door to the Devil and says: "Now, tell me. Which hole did my fart go through?"

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    • #32
      Why did the gov't spend so much money getting to the moon?

      they heard native americans had land up there....

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      • #33
        Originally posted by bruce60001 View Post
        What is the diference between a native and a bench




        a bench can support a family
        NO. no, no, no. Wrong.

        Comment


        • #34
          I still think this one is hil-lar-re-ious!!!!

          Two poncas stole a hog, and put it on the front car seat between them. Suddenly they hit a road block. Thinking fast,they disguised the hog by putting sunglasses on it, and by tying a lady's scarf around its head. The trick worked, and the deputy let them go.
          "Don't that break your heart?" the deputy asked the sheriff as they drove away. "Them two Ponca Indian boys....tsk, tsk, out with that beautiful white woman."
          .sigpichttp://www.mytribalspace.com/tribal/jwashee

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          • #35
            another oldie but a goodie

            YOU KNOW YOUR FAT WHEN...

            *You find yourself bringing zip lock bags and a sack to the powwow feast.
            *You can't fit your choker,because you no longer have a neck.
            *You eat indian tacos like potato chips.
            *people mistake you for a teepee when you wear a white t-shirt.
            *You almost pass out in the sweatlodge using only one rock.
            *Other dancers use you for shade in grand entry.
            *You lose a $ 1,000 dance contest because your excess didn't stop in time with the drum.
            *Your parade horse is a Clydesdale.
            .sigpichttp://www.mytribalspace.com/tribal/jwashee

            Comment


            • #36
              Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days.

              They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"changing his mind. So, . .

              Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

              Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there "is" a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

              Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 98.

              Hope you have enjoyed it.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by FluteMaker View Post
                two old ndn brothers decide to get off the rez for the first time in thier lives. just once before they die they wanted to see a big city.
                theyre sitting a bench in a big public rec area when a little white girl walks up and invites them to join her family's cook out.thinking maybe white people arent so bad afterall they take her up on her offer and follow her over to the cook out.
                they go through the introductions and answer the well meaning questions; where you from, any family in the area, how long you in town..etc,etc,etc.
                the little girl comes back up to the two old ndn brothers and hands them each a paper plate asking if they'd care for a hotdog.
                the brother look at each other and take a bite.
                then one brother says to the other "what kind of dog did she day this was?"
                This is funny! Thanks!
                "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail."---Ralph Waldo Emerson

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by Corvid View Post
                  It's an old one everyone's probably heard, but hey x)


                  When Indians were the sole occupants of this land, there were no taxes, no bills, no mortgages, no debt, no schools, no centralized government, no military draft, no banks, no stock markets, no nuclear weapons, and the women did all the work.
                  And white men thought they could improve this system.
                  "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail."---Ralph Waldo Emerson

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by andrewan View Post
                    Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days.

                    They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"changing his mind. So, . .

                    Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

                    Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there "is" a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

                    Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 98.

                    Hope you have enjoyed it.
                    This is funny and it sounds just like something Bill Gates would actually say.
                    "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail."---Ralph Waldo Emerson

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      What do you call a Native chick with one leg shorter than other ?

                      Ilene
                      sigpic

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                      • #41
                        Two warriors were hunting in the brush when suddenly, one yelled out "I've been bit by a rattler!" He was on the ground holding his private part, in much pain...."Brother, run to our elders, ask what to do!"

                        He ran and found the elders and told them "My brother has been bit by a rattler!"

                        One Elder calmly recalled an ancient cure passed down from the ancestors - "Place dirt in your mouth, then suck the bite wound, the poison will pass into the dirt which you then spit out....go, go quickly!"

                        He returned to his stricken brother, laying on the ground looking up "What did they say?"

                        "They said you gonna die!"
                        sigpic

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by AmigoKumeyaay View Post
                          Two warriors were hunting in the brush when suddenly, one yelled out "I've been bit by a rattler!" He was on the ground holding his private part, in much pain...."Brother, run to our elders, ask what to do!"

                          He ran and found the elders and told them "My brother has been bit by a rattler!"

                          One Elder calmly recalled an ancient cure passed down from the ancestors - "Place dirt in your mouth, then suck the bite wound, the poison will pass into the dirt which you then spit out....go, go quickly!"

                          He returned to his stricken brother, laying on the ground looking up "What did they say?"

                          "They said you gonna die!"
                          LOL! This is funny! Thanks! I love the joke section because a good laugh is good for the soul and the heart.
                          "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is not a path and leave a trail."---Ralph Waldo Emerson

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            sigpic
                            ~ Debsjewelry.net ~

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