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Check out this native these jokes!!! their rib tickling funny!!
:)
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
TRADITIONAL INDIAN: Those chiggens weren't traditional because they were supposed to be on it - not crossing it!
INDIAN GRANDPA: I think it was runnin' away from rezidential school.
URBAN INDIAN: That chicken crossed the road 'cause it was a city, man. You know what I mean?
NEW AGE INDIAN: It was basically because of Jungian dream therapy, drumming, sweatlodges, my shaman, and long walks on the beach, near my beach house.
POW WOW INDIAN: That chicken must have been heading to a 49! Hey yah ho! EDUCATED INDIAN: I think it has to do with Einstein's Theory of Relatives which basically posits: "Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?"
KFC INDIAN: I'll take a leg, a thigh, with corn and potatoes. Extra Crispy, please.
TRIBAL INDIAN COUNCIL: The chicken crossed the road before we did? Fire his family!!!
CASINO INDIAN: That's my favorite slot!
A cowboy riding across the prairie came upon an Indian laying on a wagon trail with his ear to the ground. The Indian said, "Covered wagon pulled by a team of four horses. One bay, one black and two grey. The driver had curly red hair with a beard and his wife wore a blue dress and bonnet.
"The cowboy said, "That's amazing. You mean you can tell all that just by laying on the ground with your ear on the trail?"
The Indian replied, "No, they ran me over an half an hour ago."
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had
never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he
couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."
A priest decided he wanted to learn how to ride a horse so he asked one of his Native friends in a nearby reserve to teach him. The Native agreed and off they went. The priest soon learned how to get on the horse but was confused as to how to make it go. The Native guy said "just say Alleluia" so the priest did and the horse began to trot around. The priest said "how do I make it go faster?" The Native guy said "say Alleluia, Alleluia". So he tried and sure enough the horse went faster. One more time and the horse took off, running like a race horse. The priest saw a cliff up ahead and yelled how do I make it stop and the Native guy said "Whooa" So the priest said "whoooa" and the horse screeched to a stop right at the end of the cliff. The priest wiped his forehead, relieved and yelled "Alleluia"!
Stranger in Indian Country
A tourist traveling through the prairies stopped in a small town for a rest stop and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, a big angry Indian guy stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!!
A woman is driving nearby a local reserve. Her car runs out of gas, an Indian guy comes along on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final Yaaaaa-Hooo! and gallops off.
"My god!" says the gas station attendant, "What the hell were you doing to that guy to make him holler like that?"
"Why, nothing," says the woman, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady," says the guy, "That guy didn't have a saddle."
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time.
A Letter From a Redneck Mother to her Daughter
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't too bad here, it only rained twice last week.
The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl your sister is going to name it after me; she's going to call it mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
A kindergarten teacher was playing a game with her class. "Now kids," she started, "I am going to hide something behind my back and I will give you clues. I want you to guess what I am hiding."
She takes the first object and hides it behind her back, "Now what I have is round but not too round and it's orange but not too orange. Can anybody tell me what it is?" Little Suzie raises her hand and asks, "Is it an orange?"
"No," says the teacher, "it's a tangerine, but you're thinking and I like that." She then hides another object and says, "Now what I have is red but not too red, and it's round too but not too round. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
Little Rachel raises her hand and asks, "Is it an apple?" "No," says the teacher, "it's a tomato, but you're thinking and I like that."
Little Billy can't resist and raises his hand, "Can I play?Please let me hide something, PLEASE." The teacher says that he can try so he takes his hand and reaches way down deep in his pocket.
"Now what I have is long but not too long and it's got a pink tip but not too pink," grins Billy broadly. The teachers face turns three shades of red and she screams, "Billy sit down this instant. I am going to call your mother."
Billy just smiles and pulls his hand out of his pocket. "It's a pencil, but you're thinking and I like that."
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both nod in agreement.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Johnny replied, "Pockets."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions."
The end
any other good jokes???
c'mon share them with the powwow world
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
TRADITIONAL INDIAN: Those chiggens weren't traditional because they were supposed to be on it - not crossing it!
INDIAN GRANDPA: I think it was runnin' away from rezidential school.
URBAN INDIAN: That chicken crossed the road 'cause it was a city, man. You know what I mean?
NEW AGE INDIAN: It was basically because of Jungian dream therapy, drumming, sweatlodges, my shaman, and long walks on the beach, near my beach house.
POW WOW INDIAN: That chicken must have been heading to a 49! Hey yah ho! EDUCATED INDIAN: I think it has to do with Einstein's Theory of Relatives which basically posits: "Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?"
KFC INDIAN: I'll take a leg, a thigh, with corn and potatoes. Extra Crispy, please.
TRIBAL INDIAN COUNCIL: The chicken crossed the road before we did? Fire his family!!!
CASINO INDIAN: That's my favorite slot!
A cowboy riding across the prairie came upon an Indian laying on a wagon trail with his ear to the ground. The Indian said, "Covered wagon pulled by a team of four horses. One bay, one black and two grey. The driver had curly red hair with a beard and his wife wore a blue dress and bonnet.
"The cowboy said, "That's amazing. You mean you can tell all that just by laying on the ground with your ear on the trail?"
The Indian replied, "No, they ran me over an half an hour ago."
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had
never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he
couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever.
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."
A priest decided he wanted to learn how to ride a horse so he asked one of his Native friends in a nearby reserve to teach him. The Native agreed and off they went. The priest soon learned how to get on the horse but was confused as to how to make it go. The Native guy said "just say Alleluia" so the priest did and the horse began to trot around. The priest said "how do I make it go faster?" The Native guy said "say Alleluia, Alleluia". So he tried and sure enough the horse went faster. One more time and the horse took off, running like a race horse. The priest saw a cliff up ahead and yelled how do I make it stop and the Native guy said "Whooa" So the priest said "whoooa" and the horse screeched to a stop right at the end of the cliff. The priest wiped his forehead, relieved and yelled "Alleluia"!
Stranger in Indian Country
A tourist traveling through the prairies stopped in a small town for a rest stop and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, a big angry Indian guy stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!!
A woman is driving nearby a local reserve. Her car runs out of gas, an Indian guy comes along on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final Yaaaaa-Hooo! and gallops off.
"My god!" says the gas station attendant, "What the hell were you doing to that guy to make him holler like that?"
"Why, nothing," says the woman, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady," says the guy, "That guy didn't have a saddle."
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time.
A Letter From a Redneck Mother to her Daughter
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't too bad here, it only rained twice last week.
The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl your sister is going to name it after me; she's going to call it mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love, Mom
A kindergarten teacher was playing a game with her class. "Now kids," she started, "I am going to hide something behind my back and I will give you clues. I want you to guess what I am hiding."
She takes the first object and hides it behind her back, "Now what I have is round but not too round and it's orange but not too orange. Can anybody tell me what it is?" Little Suzie raises her hand and asks, "Is it an orange?"
"No," says the teacher, "it's a tangerine, but you're thinking and I like that." She then hides another object and says, "Now what I have is red but not too red, and it's round too but not too round. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
Little Rachel raises her hand and asks, "Is it an apple?" "No," says the teacher, "it's a tomato, but you're thinking and I like that."
Little Billy can't resist and raises his hand, "Can I play?Please let me hide something, PLEASE." The teacher says that he can try so he takes his hand and reaches way down deep in his pocket.
"Now what I have is long but not too long and it's got a pink tip but not too pink," grins Billy broadly. The teachers face turns three shades of red and she screams, "Billy sit down this instant. I am going to call your mother."
Billy just smiles and pulls his hand out of his pocket. "It's a pencil, but you're thinking and I like that."
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both nod in agreement.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Johnny replied, "Pockets."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions."
The end
any other good jokes???
c'mon share them with the powwow world
I liked them all... Thanks
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