Rez Car Humor

[Rezkid-n-AZ]

looking for rez car jokes! does any one know of any?

[Tibiki Kinew]

I had one guy from Tennessee answer these!!

THE GEORGIA, KENTUCKY, NORTH CAROLINA, SOUTH CAROLINA, TENNESSEE & WEST VIRGINIA PROFESSIONAL ENGINEERS EXAM:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67 Chevelle, or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children put a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates in a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

[Okikwe]

True Rez Story-

One night my mom & her friend got a little thirsty ( you know what i mean). well anyway, neither one drove or had a da ban.
My moms friends boyfriend had a car, and well being it was already dark out, he had no head lights:) ( working ones that is).
So they talked this fella into taking them up to the local watering hole!
He said he would on one condition. Condition being my ma hold one flashlight out the window on one side & her freind the other side.
They agreed and off we went ( ya I got to ride along). Well, I remember every car that approached us seemed to pull over and let us pass by, lol.
We made it ( some cold fingers though). And once inside, someone came in behind is and said, " Gee, I just passed the widest car I've ever seen down the road. It scared me to death, I had to turn around and come back for another drink! Instead, give me a coke, I really need to sober up!" lol

My mom didn't like me telling this one....

[DeusExMachina]

How about this.
You know you've got an NDN car when.....
When the tailpipe is held on by a shoelace.
when the doors are held shut by bailing twine if they ever opened at all, that is.
When you have to use an eating utensil or a screw driver to open the trunk/start the car
if at least one seat in the car is actually a lawn chair that you also use for powwows
if you can see the road passing under you throught the two-foot hole in the floor.
you actually have to use your feet to slow the car down, which isn't all that dangerous if you consider that the car barely reaches 20mph.

any one else want to add on?

[Possum-Pie]

True NDN car story

My friend and her cousin took an NDN car to some drive through animal preserve. THe fricken monkeys attacked the car. Hands were coming up through the holes in the floorboards, they tore the already loose trim off, and flung it around, one leader monkey stood on the hood and P*SSed on the windshield. THey were terrified. barely excaped with their life, left most of the car there :)

[LadyRedtailedHawk]

Do Rez Trucks Count?

Well I can tell you about my husband's rez truck. He lovingly calls her "old Blue" and I call her "Blue BIT##". The dang truck will start right up for him, stall for me! He can drive it across country and I am lucky to make it to pick the kid up from school! It shocks me everytime I get in it BUT it never fails to make it to a powwow...it is just leaving that is the problem....it never will start to LEAVE the powwow. It has the spirit of an evil ex girlfriend or something...typical rez truck! If I had my way I would fix it... :flaming: with FIRE! hehehehehe

[AlmostThere]

haa.monkeys attacking a car I didnt even know there was monkeys in north america.jk :rofl2:

[Possum-Pie]

Monkees

It was this wildlife preserve thing in New York. you drive through, and look at the animals. When they got to the monkee section, it looked like fricken Jurrassic Park! huge gates, signs, beware of monkees. THey were like , yea right what can monkees do! they found out.

[Possum-Pie]

Monkees

The only thing funnier, would have been if it had been some rich guy and his girfriend in his new lexus. :rofl2:

[DeusExMachina]

hey, don't monkeys fling poo too?

[Possum-Pie]

monkey trouble

I don't know, but once in a zoo I saw one doin somethin I'D NEVER do in public!!! :mocking:

[Rezkid-n-AZ]

[Rezkid-n-AZ]

You know, i think had that car once ....or twice. the one with the tail pipe all tie up in someway ...and the front lights that didnt work only when they wanted too! ..too funny! I had one the driver's side door would open when you turned the corner. you really had to hold on and hope you didnt fall out!