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What's An Acceptable Time for Mourning

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  • What's An Acceptable Time for Mourning

    My mother recently passed away, July 7th, this summer. My question is what is an acceptable amount of time for mourning my mother? I understood it to be a year before I can enter back into the dance circle, others say it's up to me? I need some advice. By the way I am of Potawatomi/Ojibwe heritage.

  • #2
    Originally posted by rezgranny
    My mother recently passed away, July 7th, this summer. My question is what is an acceptable amount of time for mourning my mother? I understood it to be a year before I can enter back into the dance circle, others say it's up to me? I need some advice. By the way I am of Potawatomi/Ojibwe heritage.

    rezgranny,

    I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your mother.

    There have been threads on powwows.com that address the issue of setting a time to mourn.

    What was the basic outcome of these threads is "how long a person mourns depends on the individual. Mourning is personal and should not be dictated by others."

    Some tribes mourn only 4-days. In their way if you mourn any longer, you will keep the spirit of the deceased here on earth and they will not be allowed to pass on to the other world.

    Other tribes mourn for around a year. This is becoming less common due to the modern situations we face each day. Lot's of big time powwow people are in the dance arena the very next weekend. This is their decision.

    Still others continue to mourn for a loved one for extended periods.

    Who's to decide how long you should mourn? This is your decision that you will have to live with.

    Do what is right for you.
    Powwows will continue to evolve in many directions. It is inevitable.

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    • #3
      for us (cheyennes) it's a year...and depending on how much respect and love you have for that person that passed away, that dictates how serious you are for giving up the social scene and contemplating while you are in mourning. It's very hard though to slow yourself down and pace yourself when there are lots of powwows and social gatherings going on.

      I know someone (not cheyenne) who's father died and they was right back on the powwow trail in three months....I thought this was kinda wierd...after he had told me he would wait out the year...but sometimes thats the only way they make money. And he does have kids to feed.
      sigpic This is how I dance when your standing next to me...

      "Cry 'Havoc' and let slip the Dogs of War..."

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      • #4
        from what i have heard, folks waited only a few days to a year. i feel it depends on how you are.
        Bahnisiain

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        • #5
          Gee, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I have always thought that you take as long as you need. It's all up to you.
          Through the good times and bad times, always pray.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Chevy_truckin_NDN
            for us (cheyennes) it's a year...and depending on how much respect and love you have for that person that passed away, that dictates how serious you are for giving up the social scene and contemplating while you are in mourning. It's very hard though to slow yourself down and pace yourself when there are lots of powwows and social gatherings going on.

            I know someone (not cheyenne) who's father died and they was right back on the powwow trail in three months....I thought this was kinda wierd...after he had told me he would wait out the year...but sometimes thats the only way they make money. And he does have kids to feed.
            Hi Everybody , I too am Cheyenne. I don't live in Ok( but I am from there). With that said I'll relate another opinion.
            What Chevy says is true , the standard practice in our home area is about a year. There are other considerations. When my Father passed , I had this same question. I went to one of my Uncles and He said " to set out a while is good " He didn't define a length of time. I was to be on head staff about 4 monthes out , so I asked him what I should do. He told me to consider how the impact of my setting out a whole year would affect the K.C. NDN community. In our home area , there is always someone to fill in if someone can't serve , but in the KC area this is not always the case. This community depends on the few true NDNs that are here( and I mean few ) That is what He told me.
            Then he painted me , prayed over me , and told me to honor my commitment IF I felt I was ready. He said I could start dancing again as soon as I felt like it.
            So I sat out about 4 1/2 monthes. Paid my way back in , had a big feed and a big giveaway. I did all this on the friday eve of the dance I was to be HMD at.
            In closing I would say that it is very personal , and one has many considerations. I think one should speak with an Elder , or seek out a HolyMan. In the end , though , It will be the person's own decision. ha-ho
            I believe blood quantums are the governments way to breed us out of existance !


            They say blood is thicker than water ! Now maple syrup is thicker than blood , so are pancakes more important than family ?

            There are "Elders" and there are "Olders". Being the second one doesn't make the first one true !

            Somebody is out there somewhere, thinking of you and the impact you made in their life.
            It's not me....I think you're an idiot !


            sigpic


            There's a chance you might not like me ,

            but there's a bigger

            chance I won't care

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            • #7
              What is an acceptable time for mourning?

              I hate to hear of you loss. I will send up a prayer to the creator for you. As far as the appropriate mourning is different for NDN nation to NDN nation. It would be best to seek out a holy man or tribal leader of your tribe and ask they.I know this is not the answer you are looking for but it is the correct answer. I hope my prayer for you and your familt is of some comfort. ~ 2 Trails ~

              Comment


              • #8
                What is an acceptable time for mourning?

                I hate to hear of you loss. I will send up a prayer to the creator for you. As far as the appropriate mourning is different for NDN nation to NDN nation. It would be best to seek out a holy man or tribal leader of your tribe and ask they.I know this is not the answer you are looking for but it is the correct answer. I hope my prayer for you and your family is of some comfort. ~ 2 Trails ~

                Comment


                • #9
                  Acceptable time for mourning

                  Gii-Megwetch for your words of sympathy and also for helping me to decide on when I will return to the dance circle. My mother was very proud of the fact that my daughters and I attended gathering to dance on a regular basis, and even prouder when she saw her grandchildren dance and sing. She herself was not a dancer but always made an effort to attend gatherings whnever she could. It is with this in mind that I will probably start dancing again soon. I know my mother would not want me to stop dancing for any reason and when I return to the dance circle, it will be for her.

                  Megwetch!

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