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  • What happened??

    What happened to the time when folks use to take care of their old people? I spent this past weekend in the hospital by my father's side and when I wasn't there, I was with my mother. My father was in a semi-private room shared with another older man probably in his fifties or sixties. The gentleman that was there had been there for over a week. His family had not visited him for a while and on the day I left to come back to North Carolina, his people showed up. His sister or wife or what ever kin she was showed up and maliciously said," We talkin' about puttin' you in a home". No preppin,,, no nothin. My father was in and out due to medication and his eyes grew wide, my sister whispered,"No Daddy, that's HIS family. We'd never do that". And with that he closed his eyes.

    I had the "priviledge" of seeing the man that was told this. I saw fear, disappointment, and hurt. It was as if at that moment I saw his very soul. And I don't understand....

    I fought hard not to cry and before I left. I told my father that he couldn't go anywhere because he had to see me in my outfit, that in order to dance with me he had to get better, and that he HAD to get better because I said so... and MY word is the law . I told him he was probably gonna whip my *** for being "bigiddy" BUT he'd have get better to catch me first. LOL he started laughing which was the first time in a few days.

    Then came the time to pass across the other side of the room. I don't understand how people envy love. I don't understand how folks can claim to love things and not respect them. This doesn't just apply to other people but principles as well. What happened?

    ------------------
    SHAKE IT!!!!

  • #2
    I remember years back where you take care of your parents and ONLY put them in a home when you cannot handle the burden.
    People these days are only looking after number one and don't care about what their parents are doing.
    I've seen many elders go in the nursing homes and none of their children come to visit. It is sad to see that happen.
    It's too bad that these people only think of themselves. They should think of the care their parents gave them in the first years. In the elder years the child should return the favour and help his/her parents.

    singing otter:
    That man's kids just have to wait until they get old and their kids will put them in a home. Know the saying "do onto others" they will get theirs some day.

    I'm glad to see that you have a good relationship with your parents.

    Comment


    • #3
      Singing Otter,
      you have a good heart to have compassion for some one you dont know! most people dont have compassion for people they do know.I dont know the reason why they wanted to put
      this man in a home but there are other alternative's.I believe love is only a word with out action it is nothing.

      Faith


      Trish

      Comment


      • #4
        I have posted this story before on other boards and this topic reminded me of it. So I thought it might be a good time to post it again.


        A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was
        blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table, but the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the
        glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about Grandfather," said the son.
        "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
        There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed
        dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served
        in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a
        fork or spilled food.
        The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood
        scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly,"What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food out of when I grow up."
        The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless.

        Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

        Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears
        ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If
        they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for the child's future. Let's be wise builders and role models.

        Life is about people connecting with people, and making a positive difference. Take care of yourself ... and those you love ...today, and everyday!

        America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
        Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

        "MAKE THE MOST OF THE HEMP SEED, SOW IT EVERYWHERE"--GEORGE WASHINGTON

        Comment


        • #5
          oh no. all i could think as i was reading this was 'oh no'. the idea that someone could be so callous and disrespectful, it hurts me. my grandfather is my oldest relative at 74. he will be 75 this year. he still lives on his own, in his big old house on the farm, and though we worry about him being there by himself sometimes, we know that he is able to take care of himself, for the most part. i think if the time ever comes when that changes, and he has to be taken care of, i pray that we are able to do so. he has begun to show his age, can't hear as well, forgets things sometimes, has gotten a little 'grouchy', but we still respect him, and honor him. that will never change. i can't imagine ever treating him so badly. i would be ashamed.

          Comment


          • #6
            Iam about ready to cry!!!we will all be old
            one day,then we will truley know how it feels not to be able to do the thing we once could.
            Faith


            Trish

            Comment


            • #7
              THIS TOPIC IS OH SO TRUE.PEOPLE THESE DAYS ACT LIKE IT IS A BURDEN TO TAKE CARE OF THE ELDERLY.EVEN DAUGTERS AND SONS TAKING CARE OF THEIR MOTHERS OR FATHERS.I BELIEVE IN RESPECTING THEM, AND BEING THEIR FOR THEM UNTIL THEIR CELEBRATION.I,MYSELF TRY TO DO THINGS WITH MY GRANDMOTHER AS MUCH AS I CAN.AND SHE RESPECTS THIS MORE THAN WORDS COULD SAY.SHE HAS RAISED AND TAUGHT ME THINGS THAT WILL ALLWAYS STAY IN MY HEART. AND ALSO SPOKE OF THINGS THAT I WOULD NOT LISTEN TOO.BUT NOW AS I AM OLDER WISH I WOULD HAVE LISTENED.BELIEVE ME,IF YOU LISTEN TO THE OLDER GENERATIONS YOU WILL LEARN ALOT MORE THAN YOU EVERY THOUGHT OF.AND YOU ESPECIALLY WILL APPRECIATE MORE WHAT THEY HAVE TRY TO TEACH YOU. SO FROM WORDS OF WISDOM,"DO FOR OTHERS,AS YOU WOULD DO FOR YOURSELF."AS I THINK OF MY GRANDMOTHER,SHE IS NOT ONLY MY TEACHER,SHE WILL ALLWAYS BE A PART OF MY SPIRIT AND SOUL!!!!!!!!!

              Comment


              • #8
                People too easily forget to be thankful for what they have. My grandmother passed over while in a TB sanatorium in 1929, when my father was just 10 years old. He passed over nearly 30 years ago himself. So, I never got to meet Grandma Melissa, but I am so proud to have been named for her. And my dad being gone, well that just has made every day that I still have my mother so special. We already have had some rather deep discussions upon what she would like for her 'later' years, and both she and I know that I will ALWAYS be there for her.


                ------------------
                <<==-==>>*<<==-==>>
                In sunshine and in shade I am -
                bearcat
                In sunshine and in shade I am -
                bearcat

                Comment


                • #9
                  When My mother was dying in a coma at the hospital, there were threee other elderly people in the ICU.The three days I stayed with my mother, not once did i see any visitors stay with thier paople for more than a half hour.
                  These people passed away, alone and it was a damn shame you shouldnt have to pass over alone if you have family.
                  I get upset to see my co-workers talk in such disrespect towards thier parents and how quick they are to forget about them. These same people arent much in the parenthood department either, so Im sure they will get thiers.
                  I hope your father is doing better Singing Otter.

                  Jill

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It is not just our elderly..but alot of different types of family members have this done to them. I work with the developementally disabled and I know clients who were put into group homes, sanitariums, institutions and just left. One I know in particular was even forgotton on purpose because the family was ashamed of having a "retarded" member of the family. They were sent cards and pictures from holidays and even presents in his name by staff who thought the family would like them and that they were remembered, but then they started returning everything sent and called to say they don't want anything, not even pictures because they wanted nothing to do with this man. Others put them in the homes and call and say I miss you and wish we could see you but we are busy, and they live just across town or at least in the same state. Kinda like dangling a carrot don't you think? Having these homes for these folks are good in many many ways, but sometimes they are just places that family can push thier own off and not have to deal with them anymore.
                    Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... just sing, sing a song.sigpic

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      As wierd as it may sound ~ love, just like hate ~ compassion, just like nonchalonce ~ is taught. I was brought up in a household where family was everything. Even tho my Grandparents lived in another state, I saw them at least once a month. We never greeted them without giving a hug ~ ever. We were taught to hug everyone ~ even if you were just staying for a minute, even if it took 15-20 to hug everyone in the room - you still did it.

                      I am so glad I was raised that way. When my father-in-law took ill, I didn't blink an eye about how to care for him ~ and it was hard, watching a man that you respected so much, begin to lose his dignity. But I never let him see my hurt, or let him see my impatience with him ~ we sang together, told jokes, watched wrestling and Brother Billy (Pembroke's QVC!! ), smoked cigarettes and drank coffee, until we just couldn't do it anymore. And when he went to the hospital for the last time ~ he asked to come home. We knew he wanted to come home to die ~ and why shouldn't he? He had been born in that house, let him go the way he came. So we set up the living room, which had become his living quarters anyway, and watched the hospice nurses bring more gadgets than imaginable into the house, along with oxygen machines and feeding machines ~ and then brought the best thing along ~ my father in law!! Even tho he was out of it, I still told him a few jokes, told him how much I missed him while he was gone, and told him what the kids had been doing while he was gone. I combed his hair, and kissed his forehead, and told him I was glad he was there.

                      My spouse slept in the living room with him that night, and dreamed all night, about aliens riding on the oxygen machine and the like. It didn't hit us until later that they were angels in his room.

                      My father in law left us in July 1999. And he touched our lives more than anyone can imagine, and we felt blessed to have been able to be there to help him and love him ~ it was a gift.

                      [This message has been edited by Smokin' Ace (edited March 20, 2001).]
                      Everything is gonna be alright!

                      Be blessed - got love???

                      This b me.....

                      www.myspace.com/akayo

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I myself, work with people with mental retardation in homes. These people are not just gifted,they are a part of my life.I agree about their families being ashamed, or just using phrases to lead them on to believe. It is ashame that these families can do this,but it is done now everyday.It actually breaks my heart to see them not have any family members to visit, or still alive.But for the people that work with them, we act like they are a part of ours.It is a joy, and a blessing everyday to see them and just see them laugh, or smile.I can at least know in my heart that I have put some happiness in their lives.And especially let them feel like they are not forgotten, and loved.But all I can say for individuals who do this to their loved ones. I don't see how they can go a day without feeling guilty for what they have done to their hearts!!!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I am getting all misty reading these posts, your families and you all are lucky to have and to have had each other.
                          Smoking Ace, you ad your spouse did a fine thing for you dad in-law.I believe those were angels too, my family met mom's before she passed.
                          I gotta go grab a hanky now.

                          Jill

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I am sorry to hear of your grandmother and brother's passing, Mojo. When death comes, it causes many questions to arise, not all of them are answered. Just rejoice in knowing that you had the pleasure of getting to be in these two special people's lifes while they were here. Smile in the memories.

                            I guess when we lost my father-in-law, the hardest thing was that we all lived in the same house. My family and I chose to stay there and renovated the old farmhouse (which is over 100 years old!!) and are glad we did. Mr. John still visits us regularly - we are not afraid - he comes in a good way. We shared many, many good times together, but rejoiced when he crossed over. It was too hard watching that dignified man suffer so.

                            I will keep you in my prayers - and remember to smile in your loved ones memories. You know they want the best for you.

                            Take care - Smokey
                            Everything is gonna be alright!

                            Be blessed - got love???

                            This b me.....

                            www.myspace.com/akayo

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              it may seem a little strange, but my dad died when i was younger, and when i think about it now, i'm almost glad that i will never see him get old. to me he will always be the strong man that i grew up with, not someone who needs to be taken care of. it would hurt me to see him helpless. i miss him more than it is possible to describe, and i would love more than anything else to have him back, but my memory of him will never be changed, i can hang onto the man that i knew forever. it's sad to say, but it's true.

                              Comment

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